So apparently I wasn't so into blogging...

I don't really have any readers to apologize to, but it obviously has been awhile since I wrote. Alot has happened since then, alot which has kept me more plodding along and just surviving life, rather than enjoying it. But I have plenty of thoughts to capture.

We'll start with my sister. She is my best friend and has always been my number one, go-to support system. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of 2.5 years - well I should say he broke up with her. Out of the clear blue, it was one of those gut wrenching break ups that you never see coming - especially since they had just gotten back from a fantastic vacation with his entire extended family in Mexico. She met all the aunts/uncles/cousins and really fit in well with the family. But then after they had been home for a week came the dreaded "we need to talk..." He felt that they really weren't compatible enough to make a marriage work. He knew that's what she wanted out of their relationship and wanted to be respectful in letting her know that he didn't think they could make it work. Oddly enough, though I rarely do, I believe he was honestly telling the truth and really does love her. But truly she is totally Type A and he is absolutely not. However I think their personality differences help to balance each other rather than create problems. Certainly not anything they could not work through together.

Soooo she's going through a tough time right now. Its so hard to watch your sister be so sad. Especially when its something you can't do anything to fix.

Apparently the universe felt the only way I could truly empathize with her and relate to her by helping her, is for me to go through the same thing. So last week, after a few tense months in my house, my husband of 4.5 years and I have separated. He is the love of my life and I am heart broken. But there is no denying that we have grown apart recently. I want a family, he doesn't want to have children. I'm 28 and am sort of over the constant party life style (not that I don't enjoy getting rip roaring drunk now and again - just not every Friday and Saturday night) He wants to party all the time and be surrounded by people. I like staying home and having quiet nights with him. With or without cocktails. We both work alot, but his job is pretty stressful. Being in the finance industry is intense and time consuming. I know his job is demanding, and I also know that it supports our very comfortable lifestyle. But does that mean I always have to come second?

I don't mind taking a back seat to client phone calls or long work days with lots of meetings. I'm not a needy person, I don't need my husband's attention constantly. But I think a girl always likes to feel appreciated and wanted. Lately I think that is what has been missing. But while we have acknowledged there are some pretty huge disconnects between us, we don't really know how to fix them. Is loving each other enough? I know I'm in love with my husband, but I think he feels like we're too far gone to fix things. I keep hoping this is some sort of midlife crisis situation that he's just going to snap out of, but it's gone on too long.

He has always been skeptical of therapy, feeling that as long as you communicate with your partner, that's what is important. I feel like professionals can offer insight that we can not - they also help guide the conversations so that the proper questions are asked. I've heard many people say that their marriages could have been saved if only they'd gone to someone else for help sooner. So I'm pinning all my hopes on this exercise and praying that we can both be open enough to make progress with some help. Our first session is next week.

But the sad part is, tonight as I drove home from work, I realized that while I'm used to having plenty of time to myself while my husband works late, tonight and the rest of this weekend, he isn't coming home. I'll be alone with my thoughts, for the first time in 7 years, my Friday night and the foreseeable week does not include him at all. He's staying at our lake house and I'm at our house. I'm surrounded by the life that we've built together, but without him. He's even picking up our dog (his dog, that he's had since college) to go and stay with him out at the lake. Even though I know that's logical, and I have my two cats for company, I still love him. He's my dog too and my god the house will feel so much emptier without him.

So now I can comfort my sister by going through the same thing with her. We can escape from our own internal worrying by listening to each other. Why is it that the pep talks you give your sister, girlfriends, coworkers to help them with their problems never seem to work when you give them to yourself?

Bachelor Musings and other tidbits

Oh the hilarity that ensues when people go on TV to find true love. I can not help but watch. And giggle. And cringe. This season is Brad The Sequel. I didnt want his first season, but evidently people hate on him because was honest enough NOT to propose after 6 weeks to either of the girls he barely knew. I think he deserves a pat on the back. But First Girl Out of the Limo thought he deserved a slap across the face. Oddly enough, he kept her around!

Now the first night is always a bit more awkward than even the normal level of awkwardness that exists while having 30 first dates with cameras rolling... but this is where the girls try to make a lasting impression to set themselves apart. So there was jumping, squealing, slapping, singing, kissing, bending over for butt approval, a forced proposal and... vampire fangs. Yep that's right - an adult woman who thinks its alluring to have fanged eye teeth. I hope they are not real. And she got a rose! He thinks they're "hot" - yes that's what you want in a wife - fangs. I can not wait for the rest of this season :)

In other news, one of my New Year's resolutions is to try some new things - get some new hobbies. I signed up for a cookie decorating class at one of the local pastry shops with a friend! I love to cook and bake and I'd love to have some dessert decorating skills. I'm a pretty good baker, but not so good with the icing. I cant wait! Its not until February, but if we like it, we may take one of their cake decorating classes. Stay tuned!

I'm also hoping to convince my husband to let me redo our guest bathroom. It hasnt been painted since we moved in, and the builder grade flat paint is showing way too much dirt/scuff marks. So I really want to repaint, get a new shower curtain and rugs and get some accessories to really make it a nice retreat for our guests. The cabinets and countertops are white and the floor is beige. I'll have to take some pictures and get a plan together.

So here I go...

I've decided to give this blogging thing a whirl after all. I know I'm a bit late to the game, but I thought it would be fun to have a place to capture my thoughts, home decor projects and just things that are happening in my life. I don't know where it will take me, but new year, new hobby. Thanks for reading!